you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
