How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
