You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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