Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
