omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
