Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
