how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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