the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
