Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
