Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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