she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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