I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
