it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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