I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
