i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
