So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
