weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
