I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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