facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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