I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize