he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
