sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
