Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
