The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
