yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
