We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
