it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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