just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
