Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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