It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize