My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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