Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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