Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
