My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
