I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
