Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
