I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish you could order shots online.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
