Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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