I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
