It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
