New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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