you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
