Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why is half of my head shaved?
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