Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
