I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
