Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
