My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
