Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
