So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You made out with two different species that night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
