Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
