I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
