there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
