yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Welp...herpes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
