I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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