i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
