Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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