he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
even my farts smell like vagina
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
