this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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