girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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