boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
