1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
