Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
