Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
