Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize