I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
