My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
