I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
