You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
