tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
