oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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