dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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